Today was low for me, and it wasn't just because I spent it running around the capitol following Alzheimer's lobbyists.
One of my stories got a huge smack down for being misleading. Apparently, I need to brush up on my industrialized home building code knowledge (ie: actually get some). My stomach dropped to the floor when I read the email from someone ripping my story to shreds.
I just knew I'd get fired. I had to be fired. Credibility is all journalists have to rest on, and I screwed up in a big, nasty, please-hand-over-your-reporter's-notepad-NOW kind of way. Or at least I thought.
I have to give it up to my boss, a very patient man who, to my utter disbelief, actually came to my defense. Together we talked over the story and the facts that seemed misconstrued and talked about how it happened. It reminded me of a scene from the David Glass movie, "Shattered Glass," where Hayden Christensen's character fabricates dozens of stories for the renown New Republic. When his lies begin to catch up to him, his editor doesn't start throwing staplers or clearing out his star reporter's desk. He looks up at him and says,
tell me that you have facts to back up your stories so I can defend you. I want to be able to stand behind you.It was sad because Glass was a complete pathological liar and his editor couldn't back him up. But my editor looked at me and gave me the
same chance, and I was able to show him what led me astray. It was humbling and a hugely valuable lesson for me to learn.
When I first read the email, my first reaction was to email my editor and apologize. I think I said something along the lines of "this is unexcusable, I should not have blah blah blah..." What I really wanted to say is "Please, dear God, just fire me. I suck at this job. I'm a failure. I'll never find a job in this business."
I gave up on myself with a few sharp words from someone I've never met before. After I wrote the email, I ducked out of the office to finish up my Alzheimer's story, but I didn't make it halfway down the cooridor before bursing into tears.
Side note: Mandi Woodruff does not burst into tears.
I was totally freaked out by it. So, I stood next to a window looking out at the South side of the capitol and dialed my mom's number (the 911 of my life). She could do nothing obviously, but it took just a couple of minutes talking to her before I could gather up myself and walk out the door. I had to pull it together. As much as I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself Sadaam-style, I had a job to do and I didn't want to give up.
Lucky for me, a couple of people didn't want to give up on me either. It's nice having someone in your corner.
I won't take that for granted again.
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It also helps when your wonderful mother sends you a little edible love to greet you after a particularly crap-tastic day. Thanks, Mom.